And Forever
by Ekoko
Summary: Tomoki feels unwanted and worthless. Yeah. (Tags: Tomoki x Kou1, shounen ai, some Takuya x Kouji)


**Notes: **I actually watched digimon today, which I haven't watched in forever. So Tomoki is my FAAAAVORITEST character evar, and I luff him.  
**Random Facts: **Despite that there is _no_ evidence, I'll happily support the pairing of Tomoki and Kouichi. The is. . . Written in only a few minutes, so it's not _especially_ great. :\  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own digimon, and I get no money for writing this. Did it for fun.  
**Main Characters:** Tomoki, Kouichi. The other characters are there, though. . .  
**Pairing:**Tomoki x Kouichi and a tidbit of Kouji x Takuya.  
**Warnings:** Shounen-ai.:

**The End**: Enjoy the fic, and remember to review when you're done! 

February 15, 2004 

___________________

**And Forever**

_You shouldn't be here, you aren't worth it. You're not strong enough and you just get in the way. What help are you? Can you think of a single instance that you were **needed** in? They don't need you. You're useless. Pathetic. You should leave. You don't even need to tell them, you could just leave right now. . ._

_No,_ the youth thought, biting his lip and closing his eyes shut. _That's not true. It's not. . ._ His small hands clenched tightly at the grass beneath him. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at the darkened sky helplessly. There were no stars. It was strange to see what was obviously the sky, but with no light at all. No moon, no stars, it was all gone. Especially strange, was the fact that they'd seen the stars and the moon and such in other places of the Digital World.

Just not here.

Everyone else was asleep. Junpei and Izumi were next to each other, and Takuya and Kouji were curled up together, and Tomoki liked to pretend that it was to share body-heat. After all, hadn't his mother told him that it was _wrong_ for a boy to like another boy? Parents were right, because they knew everything. They were supposed to. . . 

Why wasn't he disgusted by the idea? He should have been, his mother has said it was one of the most disgusting things on the planet. Why didn't he care? Maybe. . . For once. . . His mother was wrong. . . ? Perhaps. 

Kouichi. Tomoki kept forgetting - he didn't mean to, - but Kouichi was kind of a new addition to the group. Kouichi was just kind of. . . There. He was lying on the other side of Kouji - the side Takuya _didn't_ have his arms around - and. . . Wasn't sleeping.

Hoping no one would wake up and see him - also hoping that Kouichi wouldn't look away from the sky - Tomoki stood and started walking away. Not to leave - he couldn't leave _yet_, but. . . He _was_ just a bother to them, so the idea was tempting, but. . . - He really just wanted to get away from the group for a while. A few minutes, an hour at tops. 

For some reason, thinking seemed embarrassing once you realized that someone else was awake.

Making his way slowly towards the small river - through a few trees, of course - he paused, and leaned against a tree with both hands. He was suddenly very tired - which was strange, seeing as how he hadn't been tired until he stood up. But that was always the case, wasn't it? No matter what, you become tired when you leave your bed. 

Subconsciously, Tomoki pushed off of the tree when he left, his hands lingering on the surface. 

_Crunch._

Tomoki looked down through half-lidded eyes at the branch he'd just stepped on. _Oops._ He thought, vaguely, but for some reason it didn't seem like it had really happened. Behind his lack of caring, there was a twinge of hope that Kouichi hadn't heard, but he continued.

He reached the water and let himself fall to his knees, peering over the edge and staring at his reflection. The water wasn't dirty, that was good. So now they could fill their water bottles - they'd picked them up at some village or another. Tomoki noted to tell the others in the morning.

He stared at his own reflection with distaste. He was too little to do anything - to young and, dare he admit it, too naive. He wasn't even _supposed _to be there! If those boys hadn't shoved him on the train, he wouldn't _be_ there. So it obviously wasn't destiny that he was there, because if it was, he wouldn't have gotten there by chance.

But his cell phone _had_ changed. . .

He rubbed his eyes, a familiar sting coming to the back of them. Sniveling, he cupped some water in his hands and washed his face. Hopefully, no one would notice he had been crying. He'd gotten away with it before. . . No one had noticed the other times. . . 

_It's because they don't care. They want you to leave. You should leave. You don't belong here at all._

Tomoki let the tears fall freely, and wiped at his eyes every now and then, just because. He tried to stay quiet, watching himself cry in the reflection of the water until the tears stopped. He felt blank. Empty. He had read books about people who cried, and they cried until they had no tears left. Was that the case for him? Or could he still cry? It didn't matter, he preferred the emptiness over sadness.

There was a ruffle of clothing and an addition to the sound of his breathing as the older twin sat next to Tomoki. 

Tomoki forced a smile and gave a 'hey.' to Kouichi, hoping that the darkness and lack of moon would hide the trace of his tears. 

"What are you doing out here?" Kouichi asked. He spoke quietly, as though they were still sitting right next to the sleeping others, and for some reason, Tomoki didn't think of it as prying, even though it would have been if anyone else had asked.

"Nothing much," Tomoki said. He gave a grin, surprised at how he could smile around Kouichi and it wasn't forced, even through his own worthlessness. Kouichi nodded, and looked ahead at the water. Tomoki did the same. It stretched on and on, and the moonlight shined off the top, seeming to pave a road.

After a moment of silence, it occurred to Tomoki: "Hey, did you notice that there's moonlight on the water, even if there's no moon?" Kouichi gave him a sideways glance.

"Not until you pointed it out." He glanced up. "That's strange, isn't it?" And he laughed. 

Kouichi had a nice laugh, Tomoki decided. It was light, and cheerful, with undertones of sadness, and it seemed half-forced, but it wasn't completely forced. So Tomoki laughed, because it was strange, and often times, strange and funny go hand-in-hand. After they stopped laughing about such a trivial thing, Tomoki pulled his knees to his chin and stared out at the water some more. 

"You've been crying." Kouichi said after a while. 

"You noticed then?" He asked, rhetorically, then gave a short laugh that lacked any humor. 

Kouichi gave a slow nod. "Your eyes are kind of red and there are tear stains on your cheeks. Also," Kouichi raised a finger to make his point. "You have trouble starting your words, and kind of breathe the very beginning of the first word of your sentences." 

"You're observant."

Kouichi shrugged. "I guess."

This surprised Tomoki, of course, because Kouichi hadn't asked _why_ he'd been crying, or _what_ had made him upset. He wasn't prying, merely stating the fact that the younger had been crying. 

_He doesn't care. That's why. He doesn't care, no one does. Get over it, you're just a kid, a bother for them to look after, a nuisance. He wants you to leave. They all want you to leave._

"No. . ." Tomoki murmured, hugging his knees to his chest tighter. 

"Hmm?" Kouichi glanced at Tomoki. Tomoki met his gaze with blank eyes. "What's wrong?" Kouichi asked, concerned. 

". . ." Tomoki pondered whether or not to tell him. After a moment, he spoke, voice near-whisper. "Am I bother? Do I just. . . Get in the way?" 

Kouichi blinked a few times before looking away. He shook his head slowly; "No," and he lied down, stretching his arm and staring at his hand. He turned his head to look at Tomoki. "What makes you think that?"

"Lots of things." It suddenly occurred to Tomoki that it was cold. A shiver ran down his spine and he sniveled again. 

And he was suddenly warm. And Kouichi's arms were around him. And he was crying again. So he let things happen, and found himself telling Kouichi about the things that had been plaguing his mind recently, between painful, heart-wrenching sobs. 

So, Kouichi let things happen as well, and rubbed Tomoki's back, and let him cry - ignoring that the front of his shirt was getting wet - and whispered kind things in retaliation to Tomoki's self-hatred. 

And then it stopped. Mid-word, Tomoki stopped. His tears continued, more slowly and quietly, but he collapsed onto Kouichi. Kouichi blinked, slightly confused, then shook his head slowly and gathered the younger boy in his arms, carrying him back to the little 'camp' they'd set up.

As he lied Tomoki down, he noticed that Tomoki's hands were clutching his shirt. After removing Tomoki from himself completely, and tucking him in, he sighed and glanced around. Kouji sat up, making sure not to remove Takuya, and rubbed his eyes. "Why are you up?"

"No reason." Kouichi lied down in the place next to Tomoki. Tomoki rolled over and curled next to Kouichi. Kouji blinked.

"I see. . ." He looked at Kouichi suspiciously before settling back down into Takuya's arms. Kouichi glanced down at Tomoki and put a hand to the younger's chest.

"You're awake."

Tomoki cracked an eye open and grinned before curling into Kouichi more and actually falling asleep. Not long after, Kouichi fell asleep as well, leaving Kouji - who hadn't _actually_ went back to sleep, - looking at them funny. After a moment he shrugged and fell asleep as well, leaving the entire group asleep, peacefully.

Tomoki slept well that night, with no nightmares, and the strange voice didn't talk to him like it usually did when he slept. There were voices, however, when he woke up. They sounded strangely familiar. 

_"Aw, how cute."_ That. . . Was Izumi's voice.

_"We should wake him up." _Junpei. . . 

Tomoki was suddenly aware that his eyes were open behind his eyelids. He closed his eyes tighter as though it would help him get back to sleep. The voices became more clear, and he buried his head into the soft. . . Whatever it was that his head was on. 

"I think we should let him sleep a little longer."

"Wow, Kouji is being nice. I'm surprised."

"Shut up, Takuya. He didn't sleep very much last night."

"Do I _want_ to know how you know that?"

"Kouichi knows better than I do."

". . . Not something I needed to know."

"I can hear you, I'll have you know." This voice was from above Tomoki, right above. It was Kouichi's voice. 

And Tomoki realized that there were arms around him, and that his face was buried in Kouichi's chest. He continued to feign sleep, just to see what happened - or, more specifically, hear.

"And isn't Tomoki a little _young_ for you, Kouichi?" Takuya's voice again, teasing and playful, with a little bit of. . . Worry? 

"I think you're imagination is over active. I'm not. . . _doing_ anything with or to him. And stop doing the protective-older-brother thing."

"Why should I?"

"Because I could do the same to Kouji about you."

Tomoki opened his eyes as little as possible, just for the fun of seeing their faces. Takuya looked annoyed, embarrassed, and amused all at once, while Kouji looked impassive. But he _was_ blushing a little. . . Junpei and Izumi were standing back a little, Junpei looking completely confused, and Izumi just smiling knowingly. 

Tomoki realized that he was lying against Kouichi, and sat up slowly, hands on the ground, pushing off, and he looked at Kouichi. 

"I'm pretty sure he's awake at this point." Takuya remarked, then let out an "Ack!" As he was dragged by the collar away and towards the river by Izumi. Junpei followed, still looking completely clueless, and Kouji followed with a glance to Kouichi.

Tomoki rubbed his eyes. "Why did everyone leave?" He asked. Kouichi didn't answer for a while, but when he opened his mouth, the only noise that got out was

"Beca-" 

And then his mouth was covered. By Tomoki's. And neither especially objected.

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Trala, tralé.

Review please! Reviews make me happy. . .


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